So there’s a young girl with nice hair, a pair of horns, and black great wings whom they categorize as somewhat a fairy called Maleficent. Now the moment I saw her, I said she is a Harpy. I insisted but my friends/movie pals just won’t believe me. Anyway this girl lives with other magical creatures in a very nice swamp aptly called moor.
One day a young male human being called Stefano emerges from behind the bushes – the entrance being highly reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia. Maleficent was talking, seemingly in command of the conversation, to the magical creatures and the young male who had emerged from the bushes. I did not keep track of what they were saying. Then there’s a montage of them growing, looking like they’re in love. Then there’s a conflict that could be remedied by a true love’s kiss. When Maleficent was 16, she and Stefano kissed, but somehow it did not work out, and for some reason Stefano just did not see her anymore. (Yeah, a total dick.)
Then there’s a castle ruled by a king. Again I did not keep track of the conversation but I assume this king wants Maleficent’s land. He sends soldiers to claim the land, but they are utter nuts for not planning how to defeat magical people with wings and cheekbones; so Maleficent-1, Humans-0. I think the King died in war too. The good thing about the war though was somehow knowing what Maleficent’s weakness is – metals. (So she’s somewhat a cross between a harpy and a vampire?)
I didn’t keep track of the conversation again, but I assume the people were pissed. They were undermanned, so the few remaining soldiers made a pact or something that whoever catches Maleficent becomes king. (I’m not sure of this though.)
So Stefano, the treacherous Stefano, went to Maleficent’s land. He said something like getting away, or a precaution, or wrong attack information from the Humans. Now Maleficent, the-ever-loving-never-moved-on Maleficent, somehow chose to trust Stefano, stayed with him for the night cuddling, and drinking from his flask containing some sort of sleeping potion. While Maleficent was asleep he tried to kill her with a dagger, but he got scared, so he opted to take out her wings. And somehow, she lied low and lived miserably. You can feel her misery through a Jolie-patented howl not seen since Girl, Interrupted (only it was better in Girl, Interrupted.) She then tried to live like Voldemort post-Hogwarts – strengthening her powers and getting an ally called Theodore whom she morphs into different kinds of creatures, more prominently being a crow.
So Stefano the Prick became a king, got a wife and had a daughter. The king’s daughter was named Aurora. Upon knowing this truth, Maleficent obviously got mad, so she set up a revenge.
On a special ceremony for the king’s daughter, three fairies came to the kingdom to give their gifts. Imelda Staunton, formerly Professor Dolores Umbridge of the Harry Potter series, now a pink fairy, gave Aurora beauty. The second fairy gave Aurora charm. The third fairy was about to give her a gift when thunder struck, wind blew hard and Maleficent came in. Guess what, she gave her Aurora a curse.
So there. The king got mad, entrusted Aurora to the goofy fairies until her 16th birthday. All through Aurora’s life, Maleficent was there ensuring she keeps being alive until the curse ensues. But for some reason she grows affection for the child. Aurora becomes 15, and days before her 16th birthday Maleficent takes her. Aurora sees her as her fairy godmother. Maleficent has ultimately put Aurora in her good book, and tries to renounce the curse but failed. Aurora meets a guy, whom Maleficent thought would be the one for her.
One day Aurora thought she liked Maleficent so much already that she went to the fairies to ask their permission to live with Maleficent. Then Aurora knew of the whole truth. She confronted Maleficent and ran away to the kingdom. The king got Aurora locked up in her room, but the curse took its toll. She fell for an indefinite sleep.
Maleficent then got Aurora’s guy. He kissed her, but as far as Disney’s new stance for romantic kisses goes, there is no such a thing as true love, so the guy’s kiss does not work. But then, Disney advocates their new stance on kisses as an act of true love (sisterly love in Frozen, foster motherhood in Maleficent) so Aurora lives with Maleficent’s kiss.
Aurora lives but the king is not content without revenge so he tries to kill Maleficent. First he had a metal trap. Then Maleficent makes Theodore a dragon so she escapes. Then the king becomes a knight clad in metal. Then they fight. Aurora takes Maleficent’s wings out of a glass case. Then Maleficent has wings. Then Maleficent and the king goes straight out of the castle through the stained glass windows, like Severus Snape flying out in Deathly Hallows after McGonagall dueled with him. Then Maleficent and the king swerves down the tall tower, like Harry and Voldemort’s last fight. The king dies; Aurora builds a relationship with her guy; Maleficent makes Aurora queen in a merger between humans and the magical creatures. All is well; the end!
Things I like about the movie:
1. Maleficent’s cheeks!
2. Maleficent’s cheekbones!
3. Maleficent’s horns!
4. Maleficent’s lips!
5. Maleficent’s wings!
6. Maleficent’s body suit!
7. Maleficent calling Aurora “Beastie”!
8. Imelda Staunton as a pink fairy!
10. The cute Disney trolls!
11. The moor!
Things I don’t like about the movie:
1. The story.
2. The king!
3. Maleficent being not recognized as a harpy!
4. Everything Harry-Potter-like!
- 4.1. The castle looking like Hogwarts!
- 4.2. Flying out of the stained glass windows! (That was a patented Severus Snape move!)
- 4.3. Enemies swerving down a tower! (That was a patented Harry-Voldemort move!)
- 4.4. The king falling off! (That was a patented Dumbledore move!)
5. Everything Narnia-like!
- 5.1. The knights!
- 5.2. The humans fraternizing with magical creatures!
6. Everything LOTR/The Hobbit-like!
- 6.1. The magical trees!
- 6.2. The goofy acting!
- 6.3. Smaug-like dragon!
FINAL VERDICT: Before writing this, I was resolved on not loving it. So I will have to stay with I DID NOT LOVE IT. But thinking about it again, I think I LIKE IT. For me, it’s 2 of 5. It’s a grower for me I guess. Tomorrow it’s going to be 3 of 5!